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What a week.

We started staging the show on Tuesday and I am still having a fantastic time in Minnesota. I have slowly started to assert myself in rehearsals and I am steadily gaining more responsibilities which is good news.

That night, I had a message on my phone from my mom letting me know that my 19 year-old neighbor had died suddenly. It had been a long time since I had spent time with him or even seen him because I was away at school and we moved in different circles, but it hit like a ton of bricks. It is terrible when death happens at all, but when it is someone so young, it is exponentially worse. Hearing about his death opened the flood gates to all of the memories of my friend Paige, who died when she was 17. I still miss her and think about her a lot. So, my distress was a combination of being sad about the loss of a young man with so much of his life ahead of him, remembering what it felt like to lose someone so close to me, hurting for his family and knowing that I was in no position to offer any help at all. I wish that I could take all of that pain and absorb it so that no one ever had to feel that terrible.

Wednesday, I got the good news about the job I applied for at the Guthrie. I was hired to be a Child Supervisor for A Christmas Carol and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, so I will be staying in Minnesota until the end of February. I will also be getting paid $10/hr so I won't be completely broke!!! It isn't my first "job" job, but it feels different, more professional, more grown-up.

Today, I sat down to check my e-mail at work and between messages about my reserved library books and a Groupon deal was a short e-mail about Toby, my dad's dog. He had been having health problems and had deteriorated so quickly that my parents were forced to take him in to be put to sleep yesterday. It was the combination of all of the events of the week and the odd juxtaposition of such bad news with fluff e-mails that I lost it. Fortunately, none of the actors were around and I was quickly ushered out of the room and given the day off to recover from my roller coaster of a week. I was driving home and all I wanted was a hug and I had nowhere to turn to get one. Phone calls just don't cut it when you need a shoulder to cry on.

This week has thrown my situation into very harsh perspective. I am in Minnesota working and doing what I love, but that means missing a lot of things. It hit me how lonely I've been over the last few days and how I will probably continue to be lonely for quite awhile.

In addition (if that wasn't enough already), school starts back, or has already started back, this week. This will be the first time that I haven't gone back to school. This is one of those times in my life that I am really scared and I have to constantly remind myself that the things that scare you are the things that are most worth going after. So, I'm just hanging in there today, ready for tomorrow and a new day.